i couldnt be happy at this moment. everything seems dull, grey and emotionless to me. i dont care if i lose or win anymore. i just feel like i need to breathe peacefully. because its overwhelming, seeing people being happy when im not. and i dont like to pretend. i need to move. i need to feel myself. i need to take a break.
i suddenly could feel alive again. i feel ok now being with myself. for all these years, i was holding on to people, to someone that i thought would be there for me like how i would be there for them. turns out, neither of us can. ive learnt that humans always change. their surrounding, their emotions, and feelings. ive learnt that the world is lonely sometimes. but being alone can be just fine. my focus was scattered. i was looking for approval and validation from people. that i would sacrifice my time, my energy just to feel complete, to feel satisfied. but it will never be enough. only i could fill that void. may Allah guide me to be the very best servant. may He guide me to the right path. and let me hold on to Him alone. Thankyou Allah, i feel that im slowly healing.
everything seems like a wave. crashing me, pulling and pushing me to the middle of the sea. its like im not bothered by it. but slowly dragging me to uncertainty. its prone to change me to a new skin.
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