The Ordinary Me

 so idk but i had like so many plans after ending this degree hahahah. i want to start my own merch, but for that i need to build my audience and start to practice more on art bcs gurll youre still lame in this sobs. and like yeah i want to study and research abt the trends nowadays. my passion is more to create stuff and might as well try and sell them. even though i dont have any business background and basic knowledge, but ill try to learn them as i go. oh yeah kinda excited to start a business with my bae too. weve talked about making websites together and yeah basically sell merchandise haha I mean collaborating with your best friend??? that would be a dream come true >.<  yeah so i just wanna put it here. i hope i can come back with updates on how i finally start to do this plan yayerzz

i cant believe degree life is almost over. like lepas habis final ni teda sudah vibe student tu bcs 6months of internship lain sudah environment. im not that emotional to end my degree life because due to online learning, i dont feel that much attachment or sad feeling of saying farewell to my classmates. ive gone past that phase like in october 2020 after knowing we were bound to stay another semester in our houses and do learning separately. like jeez it really developed a new environment and how it created like a gap between me and my friends now. its not the same as having virtual interactions than face-to-face communication. sometimes i feel like I'm lost because everything is driven by my own will because usually i got my realization from my friends hahaha. hm i think thats the biggest issue for me. i am easily distracted and tbh, it drained my mental health a lot. i couldn't stand up strong enough on my own. luckily there are still some friends that helped me through it....

 hi hahahahhah 2020 is almost over. like it was just yesterday it was January 2019 and everything was still normal. boy, everything has changed now. globally. never in a million years, I would imagine that 2020 will be this chaotic. and to be honest, I've experienced the most downfall and depressing days of my life. like i had lost myself and turned into someone i never knew. although i dont feel bad as much as before, im still struggling to be strong as we've just started the new semester. its my last semester before LI. and a lot to deal w my fyp and all. i need to declutter my thoughts and prioritize my tasks. i really want to rewire my brain bcs gurl feels like she has only 3 brain cells left in her head *inserts ugly cry meme* well, i think thats for now. chao 

bila kau bersangka baik dengan Allah, nothing will get in your way. always believe that He can help you and that you should rely on Him. so just do your best girl. put your trust in Him

Helu gais. Its been 3 years. 3 years haha im supposed to be in my 7th semester but because i changed my course after a one year in bachelor of forestry into food technology. now im almost at the end of semester 5. haha gila paling busy rasa. but i can cope with it. i still wanna live another day. its alr subuh now and i just finished doing mahaba stuffs. you know the dinner for final year at kpz which im supposed to be diraikan bersama but instead, saya yang jadi ajk hahaha and buat publisiti again for the sekian kalinya. jujur cakap, this one paling satisfying la kerja sa buat sebab lawa gila HAHAHAHA well not wanna brag but, im proud of myself. maybe some part of me wants to give the best for my friends :') and actually, theres a lot happening in my mind. esp this one thing but i chose to ignore it. its not the best way to deal it but seriously, im tired. i cant do it. i really cant do it at this rate. mau masuk week 14 ok what do you expect? :') ofcourse la busy kan kemu...

i always thought about what i wanna be after this stage of my life. i always wonder if i could make any difference in this world. i like being at the present, but scared of my future. while the past is never be reached again.  why is it hard to make decision ? why do i have the feeling of insecurities? can i just fly like the birds?  just free .

I suddenly woke up from a dream. A dream which i was saying about something. A reminder, "Sujudlah. Kerana dalam sujud itu kau akan jumpa apa yang telah hilang." And i still remember what i said. It feels like im giving myself a reminder. Allah wants me to realize how i was getting far from Him. How i forgot to say His name with all my heart. I cried. because i was arrogant. really really arrogant. it hurts in my heart. How could someone do bad things to the one who helps you when youre in trouble? How could someone ask to another but didnt say thank you? I cried again. may Allah guide us back to Him. Ya Allah, knock my heart again Amin